You should understand this principle first: hatred is hatred.
What differs is how you channelize it.
Either you push it out and become an aggressive person, or you swallow your hatred, and become a weak and squashed one.
But there is hatred in both versions, that’s for sure.
Remember the father of my student whom I mentioned about in my article titled “Are You A Target for Bullies? Then You Are Probably One of Them?”
His source of “being bully” was his father, because he was a monster figure in my student’s life. In what way was my student a bully? Well, in emotional way. He was provoking others – especially aggressive ones – to react through his weak manners. Because, trust me, with the slightest reaction or resistance, you can push the aggressive bullies away easily most of the time.
The common points among all these boys are actually their emotional scars. They all are overly emotional kids, but they have simply different ways to manifest it. Either they become the bullies, or the victims.
I don’t know about the “gang” members I mentioned in my first article, but probably they had fathers who forced them to be “tough guys” to protect themselves in life. And trust me, if they act that way, probably they – the fathers – have their own issues, too.
At the other hand, my student’s father taught him to be weak, silent, and to obey in the face of violence or physical threat. I know it, because I met the guy. From the very first moment, it was obvious what kind of a person he was. Probably he would yell at his son all the time, beat him quite often, and despised him openly.
What should be understood about such fathers is that they live in their own past, and subconsciously, they try to take their revenge through their sons, either forcing them to be aggressive, or turning them into silent lambs.
Well, don’t think girls don’t do the same. They are not like boys, of course, and they don’t physical or violent ways, but they are sometimes even more merciless emotionally.
There may be lots of details, and variations when it comes to actions of such bullies, but what is certain is that they all are children who are in need of understanding, compassion, encouragement, and guidance. Trust me, other than some exceptions, they are not bad at all; they are just… ignorant about life, and emotions of others.
As a bullying victim, and a bully boy afterwards, I’m very sensitive about this topic, and I’m taking very good care of my own son’s emotional quotient, and emphatic abilities. We are their guide, we should be good role models for them, and we should always show them the ways.
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