Those who are into spiritualism or astrology would know that 2017 was heck of a year for many, especially for Aquarians, and I wasn’t an exception. However, I wasn’t expecting such a violent roller-coaster, either.
In late Spring 2015, I had to go through a divorce with my second wife due to some nasty stuff she did to my son from my first marriage, and many of you know of him. I remember a friend of mine asked a weird question during those days, saying, “Are you happy now getting rid of her?” Well, if a marriage isn’t troublesome, it wouldn’t end anyway, of course. And everybody close to me knows that she was a very abusive person. Yet, I don’t think anybody would get married with the wish to end it with a divorce ahead of the road. So, no, I wasn’t happy; relieved maybe, because I was out of a stressing environment, that’s all.
As I mentioned in my book Dream Tiger: Dream Like A Poet, Fight Like A Tiger, my love life has been quite active especially since the year 2009, and I realized that I was content with being on my own for a while, only with my son. After a short while, I began to enjoy my personal and professional life so much with everything in it that I remember I gave a prayer someday: “Oh, Lord, I’m very grateful for everything I’ve been given, and for all the good things I have in my life.” My greatest fear has always been to die alone someday, but I realized I overcame that fear, too, because I’d rather being alone instead of having a relationship that drained my soul and energy. So I also said, “If I’m meant to be alone, I’m good with that, too. But, please, if someone is meant to come to my life no matter what, please send me the right person, my true soul-mate, but nobody else. I’m really ok with how it is now.”
I was absolutely sincere with my words and feelings. True enough, I focused on my career, and next a couple of months, I reached the top of my game as a book translator. I’ve always had dreams about having my own company, my own brand that would enable me to produce and promote my own artistic works, but I was at such a point in my life that I wasn’t greedy at all, so I was absolutely content being a book translator.
However, I realized that Lord had some other plans for me. A few months later, towards the end of Summer 2015, a foreign woman declared her love for me through online, and I was shocked! What I didn’t know was I was at the beginning of a phase that would lead me to write a novel titled Valentine: A Twin Flame Reunion Novel Based on A True Story.
This woman appeared to be a very decent person, but I was just out of a marriage, and she claimed I was to be her husband, because she had a dream about it! She appeared to be quite respected in her life, she was very attractive, she was really smart, obviously, and guys, how long can you resist such a person when they come after you relentlessly? Well, I could resist only three months, and it was clear she wouldn’t give up. And frankly, the things she told me, promises she made, I couldn’t help but think she was a God sent. So, I surrendered finally.
For months, I was over the clouds. She came to Turkey a few months later, and we were on our way to a marriage which I was led to believe for a lifetime. After that point on, for the first time since my early childhood, I was really ecstatic in my life. I was on the fast lane in career, and at a point even SaySaga Inspirational started out of a twist that I had to say it wasn’t me who was the founder, but God’s Himself.
I was so happy that I began to fear after a while, because out of a sudden, I had reached to a point that I was sure God would take all He had given me. Everything was too good to be true!
And guess what? That’s exactly what happened!
Everything began to go backwards, and last autumn, this fairy tale I was living began to show its true ugly face, which was a tale of backstabbings, betrayals, and manipulations… It turned out to be such an open evil scheme that it was a tangle of lies, and I didn’t even know what was true, and what was not. And I was aghast to see the extent of this betrayal. I don’t want to bore you with the details, but just one example that I will never forget can show you what I mean.
Until I realized what she was trying to do, I was given an emotional roller-coaster ride, which I was accused for being “unstable” again. Everything was in such a chaos that I was having a very hard time to make a meaning out of what the hell was happening for last three months of 2017. In the end, during our last short conversation on camera, when I told her I might even lose my child because of what she did to us, she came with a reply that made my blood run cold: “Good, it will be good burden off your shoulders! You weren’t a good father anyway!”
This was coming from a woman who claimed to have fallen in love with me for my fatherhood!
Only then I realized this was a person who could take me to the gallows to save her own hide, and wouldn’t even think twice.
I also didn’t know that it was the beginning of a serious fall that would cost me my physical health, which would be fed by the betrayals of other trusted friends one after another. Those who frequented my home and my life when I was in a good place didn’t even ask how I was doing now. It was such a total chaos that many of those I knew as friends were falling like dead leaves, and out of nowhere, new friends were turning up.
For more than half a year, I watched how my life was falling apart from head to toe, one huge disappointment after another. Words were absolutely inadequate to describe the pain I had. Even saying I felt as if my heart was torn out of my chest would be an understatement. I’ve seen a lot of things in my life that was full of adventures, but never such a pure evil with this extent.
My health went so bad that I had to go through a biopsy with a result we feared would be lymphoma. When I talked to this well known doctor after it turned out to be tubercular lymph inflammation, this was the first question he asked: “Did you go through a severe emotional trauma?”
Well, all I could say was that I’ve been through hell like never before.
Even my dear author friend Janet Nestor said at one point: “Selim, I’ve known you for years, and witnessed a lot of hard times in your life with the knowledge you would bounce back everytime no matter what. But this time, I was afraid that you wouldn’t survive this. Every morning, I was wondering if I could hear from you once again.”
Beginning from March, I decided to turn the things over with a strong determination. But I was exhausted. I was emotionally drained. Moreover, all these that happened didn’t only smash my heart into pieces to be trampled, but also I felt that I was broken at spiritual level. I was beginning to get used with living in pain; physically, emotionally, and spiritually.
For months, I prayed every single day, every single night, with no reply. I kept asking why? Finally I reached a point that I had no will to fight or hold on. I was trying to pick myself up, I was working real hard in every area of my life to pick up the pieces, but problems kept coming no matter how hard I tried. I had to survive and pick myself up for my son, but I felt lost.
Last week, I couldn’t stand for longer and while having a walk in the forest to clear up my mind, I screamed: “Why are you silent? WHY?”
I was on the brink of giving up. I was so pissed for all the unfairness I had to face. I couldn’t stomach it.
Last Saturday, it was one of those ordinary weekends I accustomed to have lately. But before I got in the bed, I was aware that I was at a fork on the road which was my life. There were two paths ahead of me. One was leading to suicide; physically, and spiritually. The other one was leading to somewhere I’ve always known: surrendering to God. With my humanly strength, I was at the end of my rope. I knew I couldn’t keep living like this. Moreover, as an artist, as a quantum coach, I was expected to motivate and inspire people, whereas I wasn’t even able to motivate myself.
I prayed before falling asleep. I knew He wouldn’t hear me again. Still…
Before I fell asleep, while my mind was in that gray zone between, suddenly my eyes snapped open, because I realized something about my own actions.
Now, I have to explain this. I used to call myself as “a good time prayer.” For my entire life, I always prayed to show my gratitude to God for all the good things I had in my life. But in tough times, I’ve always known that I was tested for the strength of my personality and faith, so first I would try to cope with what was happening, and would ask Him for help only when I decide I was out of breath on my own. Whereas, this time I didn’t only doubt His compassion in happy times, forgetting all about gratefulness, but also didn’t ask for help, and tried to prove my own strength. Moreover, whereas I said SaySaga Inspirational was founded by Him, and that I would always be His soldier in this world, now I was coming out of my own ego!
I can’t describe the shame I felt! I couldn’t think, pray, or talk anymore, but fell asleep in a defeated state.
In the morning – a beautiful, sunny, bright Sunday morning – I woke up at 6:30, grabbed my coffee, and sat in front of my computer to get on with working. While I was doing my routine e-mail and message checks on Twitter, Google, and Facebook, some post took my attention. It was a thanksgiving prayer shared by a friend!
When I clicked on the post, and directed to the related website, a movie suggestion caught my eye. I began to watch the movie: Yes Man by Jim Carrey. (See that movie if you didn’t already!) While watching that, I realized I pulled back from life in general, whereas I was completely open to all sorts of possibilities before. When it was over, I couldn’t help but think back the time I was out of my second marriage, and how I was then. No matter what, I was full of hopes. I was absolutely positive, and optimistic. And I realized that was what made the difference!
In the past, I always said this about God: “I failed Him many times, but He never did!” This time, it was me again who failed Him, not the other way around. And I was determined to correct this.
Long story in short, I spent the entire day with Him! Just me and Him!
I read from Bible, I read stories about faith, and I watched inspirational and faith movies based on real life stories. The whole day! When I was in bed at 11.00 pm that night, I was feeling much lighter, and much more back in my center.
And last night, when I was back to bed again at night, for the first time during last 9 months, I didn’t feel lonely anymore, but loved! I had made peace with Him, but more importantly, with myself again.
Yesterday morning, I asked the Spirit to give me a message from the Bible so that I would know I was heard. And opened a random page to read the message. This was the answer:
In Bible, Lord says “Revenge is only mine!” On my part, I have forgiven all those people who were ungrateful, disloyal, or openly evil. I know I’m – and I’ve been – protected against them, and that they can never harm me, my son, my work, my life unless I let them. I leave them to God, and just wish Him to give them what they deserve… one thousand times over! I let them loose of my own karma. (And as a matter of fact, I also know much more than they think!)
And for the first time in a long time, my night was full of beautiful dreams!
From this point on, I want to inform you that Selim Yeniceri and SaySaga Inspirational will be back to their spiritual mission, and this means a full scale change in my articles, videos, and works. I’m not a preacher, not a priest, not an official expert on theology, but I’m a free man with a free mind, and I’m back to GOD!
THIS IS VERY PROFESSIONAL!
More tidbits coming in future articles, meant to spur you on to create momentous moments!
And Follow us!